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Congo
The Nostalgia Critic mimics a gorrilla, with subtitles underneath NC(Subtitles): Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to. Sometimes it's best to do things as animalistic as possible. For example, if I threw my own feces at the movie I'm reviewing today...you'd consider it as an upgrade. What movie could cause such an outburst of beastly behavior? Congo footage show up Camera cuts back to NC and NC starts to scream like a gorrilla, with the subtitles translating his gorrilla screaming Footage of movie NC(Subtitles): Horrible writing! Lousy acting! Crappy directing! And ape costumes so bad they make Roddy Mcdowall look like an endangered species. NC then stops acting like a gorrilla NC: (Coughs)...So let's take a look! Footage of movie NC(Voiceover): So we start off in what appears to be Africa. NC mimics the 'Lion King' theme NC: Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! This movie sucks! You should get a refund! Go see Toy Story next time. It's in the theater next door. (Text reads "next store") NC(Voiceover): The film begins with the master of modern day B-movies himself, Bruce Campbell. Who is so cool, everytime someone mentions his name, a man is cured of impotence. Bruce: Johnny (I don't know what he says here) Phasic Lazer. NC: (Imitating Bruce) Yeah, I just shit this out of my ass. I shit guns! That's how cool I am.(Normal voice) So he's talking to a member of the CIA, who also happens to be his fiance, named Karen, played by Laura Linney, who very rarely turns into bad performance. Text appears reading 'This is one of those rarities'' NC: They're looking for some sort of rare diamond that apparently can charge their lazer guns to the nth degree. Laura: I read you Charles! Bruce: Well you reeking all that? I found the bloody thing! (A sudden quake rumbles Bruce's location) Laura: What was that? NC(Voiceover): Okay acting, It's okay, I make a living out of it! They're under the orders of Joe Don Baker, who quite frankly has alot of other bad movies he could be starring at. Mitchell Shows up NC(Voiceover): But things look bad when Campbell's partner Jeffery, goes a little to deep into the jungle. Bruce: Oh now you're throwing stuff at me? NC: (Imatates Bruce) C'mon Jeffery, stop throwing your eyeballs at me-WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Footage of the movie, with Bruce screaming from an unknown danger NC(Voiceover): And yes, that's the last we see of Bruce Campbell in the movie. The audience boos NC: I know. I know. But at least we got Joe Don baker! The audience start to throw objects at NC NC(Voiceover): So once they found out the crew is mostly dead, Joe Don Baker doesn't react very well. Joe smashes a computer scree with his golfclub NC: (Imitates Joe) Dammit, now I'll never be in Evil Dead 4! Joe: I need those diamonds Dr. Ross! This sattelite is our communications cache call. I need a new cache machine, this diamond, This is it! Charles knew that. That's why he went down to that god forsaken place. Laura: Charles went into the Congo to please you! Joe: I know you had feelings for him. Laura: I was married to him for Christ's Sake! NC and Casper begin singing the 'Exposition song'' NC(Voiceover): Meanwhile, we cut to our main character, a young scientist named Peter. Dylan: It's happened before. Gorrillas in captivity degenerating mentally having to be destroyed. NC: Hi! I'll be your not quite Steve Guttenberg for the movie! NC(Voiceover): He's broken new ground because he's devised a way to communicate with gorrillas through sign language. And has even made a machine to give them a voice. Dylan: Amy? Could you come down here please? Amy the gorrilla walks to Peter NC(Voiceover): Why hello obvious person in a gorrilla suit! Amy: Amy. Good. Gorrilla. Amy. Pretty. Man: This is a talking gorrilla (Inaudiable word) This is really happening! This isn't Mr. Ed. Woman: I know it's not Mr. Ed... NC: No doubt they're showing this miracle to the finest minds in scientific research! Their final conclusion? This is not, Mr. Ed. An Image shows the two with text reading '(Green)Scientific Research Concludes: (Red) THIS IS NOT MR. ED'' NC: Wow, food for thought huh? NC(Voiceover): But Peter's concerned because Amy keeps painting the same pictures of an eye and some trees. What could this mean? Peter uses all his brilliant scientific knowledge to figure it out. Dylan: What's this room starting to look like? It's the jungle, she's been painting the jungle! NC: A-Doooooiiiink?! So just a recap: Images of what NC is saying pop up over the two couple NC(Voiceover): Talking monkies do not equal talking horses and drawings of jungle equals drawings of jungle! Cut back to NC NC: I can tell i'm just gonna be blown away by this movie's intelect! NC(Voiceover): So Peter wants Amy to return into the jungle but his boss doesn't really want to fund him. James: Now there isn't a foundation in motion with fund in expedition with that objective. Tim: I will pay. I will pay, for Amy to go home. NC: Uhh...I'm sorry they're filming Rocky and Bullwinkle next door. Your accent is hilarious though. Tim: Herkemer Homolka. Formly from Romania. Free now from the chains of Chow Chezko. Travelling the world...doing good. NC: Really? You're supposed to be in this movie? NC(Voiceover): So yeah, Tim Curry plays a Romanian fruit cake who wants to fund Peter's travel to Africa. The idea's so ludicrus that the characters have a hard time buying it!